Belief - “The key worker system supports substitute attachment”

Ostensibly the key worker system fulfills the attachment need - that was exactly what it was created for. However, in reality it falls far short for several reasons. 

First, key worker adults can have many children assigned as key children. This is because many children are part-time in day nursery and although it is probably intended that any key worker would not have more than 3 of their key children attending nursery on any one day, this would be logistically demanding to organise. Legally the ratio of 1 adult to 3 children is the primary concern and this can be met by staffing with adequate numbers of assistants or less qualified/experienced staff. The total quantity of time, attention and interaction that an individual child receives from their key worker is limited. Also, rotas mean that a child’s key worker is not guaranteed to be in attendance on all of the days the child is in attendance

Second, Key workers take care of compiling learning journals and other records for their key children as well as being with them. Admin constitutes part of their workload. Understandably, they want to complete their work responsibilities when they are at work - it is a low paid profession. Some workers take admin work home with them but this should not be an expectation - and if we are happy for them not to take their work home then we are accepting they cannot be available to their key children at all times. 

Third, The legal ratio of one adult to 3 children under two years old limits the capacity of the adult to attend to individual needs promptly and substantially. Any parent who has had 3 children under two at home knows very well how exhausting it is to manage such a load. The most devoted stay-at-home-mum is likely to feel frequently overwhelmed by her need to meet all her children’s needs adequately and will need to find strategies to forgive herself for not meeting her own exacting standards. 

Fourth, parent child relationships are born of an biological/instinctual desire to protect the newer genes which we experience as deep and unconditional love and the relationships are nurtured through spending a great deal of time in close physical proximity to the infant. In the earliest days and weeks of life there is a great deal of physical contact, cuddling, stroking, kissing, communication by talking and baby babble. This closeness is the process of attachment bonding. This closeness is how the parent comes to know her baby, learn their needs and how to meet and satisfy them.. The parent becomes the responsive parent that infants need to feel safe, secure, connected and loved. The primary ingredients for secure attachment. None of these necessary elements for attachment building are available to the key worker child relationship. 

It is commonly argued that if the primary attachment is good, then children will not suffer too much harm, if at times, they are away from the primary carer. Indeed this was the response I received from Bessel Van der Kolk during an online workshop when I asked him for his thoughts on day nursery for infants. He referred to this as being the response of John Bowlby when criticised at the time of his research, for being against working mums. 

I agree that of course children with a secure attachment do not come to much harm if they spend occasional periods away from their primary carer. In fact, it is a necessary part of the maturing process that they are able to do that. However, time away from the primary carer in terms of frequency and duration must be appropriate in quantity for the developmental stage of the child. Also, the other adults with whom the child spends time should go from close to more distant over time appropriately. Relatives such as grandparents or familiar aunts or uncles have an emotional investment in the child that non related professionals do not have. Nursery or pre school is appropriate for children who are more than 30 months old and have a secure attachment, as somewhere to spend 2 or 3 half days per week for example. School is plenty early enough for spending 6 hours a day in a large group of peers with unrelated adults. 

Day nursery days are long. They amount to the majority of waking hours spent without the primary carer. As loving as parents are for the hours they spend with their young children, they cannot offset the emotional distress and development of emotional survival strategies that children need to develop to cope. 

Some nurseries have cameras installed so that parents can check in at any time of day. I believe this is an important step in supporting nurseries to operate in the best way they can, however, it is essential that parents are able to read the environment and the body language and oral expression of their children to be able to evaluate and make well informed choices. 

I know parents who chose nurseries without cameras so they are not at risk of being distressed if their child is upset while they are at work. They feel it is better not to know. 

For parents who are prepared to acknowledge that life is complex, that we often have to make decisions based on the least harm and want to take decisions based on good information, read anything by John Bowlby. He is as relevant now as he was at the time of his writing. Explore the Attachment Parenting UK Website and always remember that there is no such thing as a perfect parent - good enough is good enough. Donald Winnicot is dated in style but completely relevant in content. Sir Richard Bowlby is the son of John Bowlby. He finds it so important to disseminate his father’s work that he gave up his career in medical photography to do that. 

Human beings grow and change throughout life - the impacts of early adverse experiences can be addressed through the healing of a therapeutic relationship. Understanding ourselves in terms of our early care and attachment experiences and in terms of the decisions we made as parents, can lead to healing in relationships with friends, family, work colleagues and in interactions with people we don’t know. 

Everything is not lost if we were in day nursery as young infants or if we chose to place our children there as parents. We do need to be open to exploring what has happened to us in relation to those experiences though and to question what we are allowing to happen as a society. We can do better one child, one parent, one step at a time.